It Can Happen to Anyone

As a woman I have generally lived praying and hoping that no bad thing will ever happen to me and that no man will take advantage of me. It is not easy being a woman. Like any other woman, I grew up being told I shouldn't be out late, I should dress decently,I should try to not walk alone in some places, I should carry a pepper spray if possible, I should learn how to kick a man in the balls, I should learn how to weaponize the normal stuff I carry in my hand-bag and so on. Okay,may be I learnt some things from watching too many movies but that however does not negate the fact that as any other woman, I have grown up knowing that I am never safe so long I am sharing the same environment with men.

Sometimes I wish we females could be a given a week or even a month on earth without men. Like if they would just vanish and leave us females alone in the planet. That would be such a relieving time. Absolutely no fear. I could just get out the house for a stroll at night. I could wear whatever thing I wanted and not be worried that some creep somewhere is thinking I am asking for it. I would go anywhere I want and take those paths that needed me to have a chaperon . I mean it would be a peaceful time. But this world is not designed that way. Sadly, whether we like it or not, living in constant fear of being harassed or being made uncomfortable is part of being a woman. As a woman, whether you know it or not, you have to think of every possible way to stay away from certain places or certain people because you are never sure if you will be safe. Sadly again, no matter how much we try to avoid these situations, we never seem to escape being harassed.

There was this day in 2018 I was travelling to Kisumu to run some errands. I was using public means of course. For a close place like Kisumu these people actually charge a lot. The journey was all smooth till we reached Ahero when a certain man boarded and sat next to me. I couldn't wait to just get to Kisumu and get over and done with what took me there and go back home. I do not like the Kisumu heat. It sucks the energy out of me. So anyway, as we were getting to the stage in Kisumu, this man who boarded in Ahero brushed his hand along the length of my thigh. Time stopped and I froze. What the hell had just happened? What was that? Those were the voiceless questions running through my mind. My heart was beating so fast. I felt a chilling cold in the Kisumu heat. I didn't have the energy to alight. I didn't even notice the other passengers alighting. The conductor had to call me quite a couple of times to alight and when I did, I saw that man leaning on another matatu. He was looking toward my direction with a creepy smile. I was scared shitless. Really scared. How I did my business I don't know because I was not in a good place. I felt violated.

I was in a daze that day. When I got back home I srubbed that thigh so hard to wash off the 'dirt' I felt that man had left. I know a rub on the thigh may seem like nonsense but it really isn't. I am a person who likes my personal space. I don't like hugs, pecks, people leaning on my shoulder and the like. Touchy touchy people make me very uncomfortable. If I let you hug me or get that close to me, I probably love you or I feel safe and comfortable around you. It is that of a big deal for me. If it were up to me I would make people greet each other by waving. Otherwise, unwelcomed touches, hugs or any other form of physical contact is a breach of my personal space.

It took a while before I came to accept that I was actually sexually harassed. That man's actions made me feel afraid and scared. I was stressed and anxious for days after the incident. I was angry at myself for freezing. I sort of blamed myself even if I knew outrightly it was not my fault. It was that damned man's fault. What is most annoying about sexual harassment is that the effects linger. It might be the flinching when someone tries to touch you or trying very hard to avoid human or social interactions. I never really wanted to be close to any man for a while after that.

I don't know why I wrote this. All I know is that no one deserves to be sexually harassed. Absolutely no one. As much as women make the larger percentage of people who get harassed, men get harassed too. Unfortunately we do not live in an ideal world where nothing bad happens. It is a sad state of affairs. Sexual harassment which can either physical, written or spoken can happen to anyone anywhere. It is sexual harassment if you haven't given consent to the other person's advances. 

I pray none of you gets to experience that. I also pray that if you have experienced this, you may continue finding the courage to move on with confidence. I also hope that you have trusting people in your life who you can talk to. These should be the people who offer a safe space because sexual harassment is not something to deal with alone.