TRUDDIE'S DIMENSION

  Sometimes I envy peole who can put down in words what love is. It is the easiet thing to do for so many people. To me however it isn't. It is laughable and weird  I know but I do struggle to write about love. I love reading about it but words to say what love is to me just refuse to come out of my head. I love what love is in my mind though. I love how limitless it is. How amazing it is. How whole it is. May be that is why I struggle to write about it. Not because I fear writing about it but because I fear I won't bring out what it truly is. I feel it won't be pure as they way it feels in my mind. I now find that fear quite stupid because love is love however it is described. It doesn't have to be complete in words. It is just enough to be as it is. Someone somewhere might say that I haven't been loved fiercely enough that is why I find it hard to write about it. That when you are loved fiercely enough you will scream your heart out for the world to know just ho...

These past days my writing mojo has been off. Coming up with something to write every other week is really not easy. I respect authors or novelists who sit and write paragraphs and paragraphs every day. Like how do stories flow and how don't they use up all their ideas? My brain locks at around 10 paragraphs. Even those are quite a lot. Anyway, it wasn't a matter of not having content. I really did not have the energy to type words. I've been opening up a new blog post page and thinking otherwise. Therapeautic as writing is, I just felt so heavy to type anything. But like relationships, I have learnt not to force writing. If I am in no mood, I am in no mood. But ooh well, these are part of life motions( I should probably stop explaining myself everytime this happens...He...he). I came across this ironic post about the twenties. It being a whole decade of being in our physical prime and mental rock bottom. I truly agree especially as I edge toward the late twenties. I find...

I particularly like Facebook more than any other social media platforms because of the varied ways people express themselves through words. With how algorithms work, you can bump into amazing content by talented people. Anyway, while enjoying my dose of Facebook one day, I came across a post which said something about how the anger we've carried since our childhood poisons us and how we have to find ways to lighten our body. The post went on to say how most of us don't know where to start when it comes to finding ways to let go but it also pointed out that you can begin by writing down what freedom looks like to you. That is a nice place to start I think. Here's what my thoughts are. Apart from the collective kind of freedom we desire which has been constitutionalized, there are different ways in which freedom is personal to each one of us. The way we view this kind of personal freedom has/is shaped by our childhood, our upbringing and the experiences we've had so far...

There is one thing I've never asked nor ever been asked. And that is giving people advice about relationships when asked or asking people about what I should do when there are issues in my relationship. I think people always think twice before asking me because the most I can say is do what you want and probably add a laugh. You give someone some advice that they should walk away from their partner and Lo and Behold the next thing you hear is that they got back together. They would probably be laughing their asses off about you and your 'stupid' advice. So yeah, I don't have the energy to waste words. Looking back at my relationships, the one thing I can say I enjoyed was that kind of privacy. There were times when I was pissed, mad and shaking with fury at my partner but I never at one point reached out to anyone and neither did my significant other to ask for the way forward. The moment you involve other people in your relationship squabbles and decisions that is whe...

Simple joys Sometimes I feel like the world is moving so fast I can't catch up. It can get crazy honestly because there is less and less time to filter out the world and find some peace or some emotional stability. If we could, all of us would go for therapy but we all know how genuine therapy is expensive. Nevertheless, there are things we can do to take care of ourselves the best we can. I'll share some tips or activities which can be incorporated in your daily life to help bring you back to your inner self. I practise some or most of them. Some I haven't brought myself to do but there is proof from other people or literature that they work. Here goes; 1. Music We underestimate the power of music sometimes. But how powerful is music really? It's simple and complex at the same time. For one, our memory of songs or music isn't stored in the same area of the brain where our memory of things we see or learn in class e.t.c is stored. That pretty much explains why w...

  I just learnt the other day that fingers don't have muscles. Like the movement of fingers comes all the way from the forearm. I mean how cool is that? Same principle applies to the toes. We never really stop learning don't we? I have been looking at my fingers differently in a cool way ever since. It just got me  thinking as to how we look at life differently when we get to experience certain things. You just realize that there is no one way that life goes. There is no one way to reach to where we want to be. There is no one way to handle certain things. The knowledge you use now won't necessarily be the knowledge you'll use later. For example I can't picture myself taking my kids to a boarding primary school. I've been there. My experience was not that great. I missed my parents. I missed being carefree because that school was very limiting. I feel like I missed a huge chunk of my childhood and I can't imagine doing that to any of my children. I did com...

  Siberian Husky   I saw guinea pigs for the first time two weeks ago and their cuteness reminded me of how much I've missed having a pet. I am not an impulse buyer by nature but I'm sure if I had the cash I'd buy those guinea pigs. My kids better not read this in future because if they happen to ask for a pet it would be very hard to say no to them. I'm afraid I'll have a zoo for a home...haha If there's one thing I am sure of is my love for animals. But if I was to answer whether I'm cat person or a dog person when it comes to pets, I am definately a dog person. I mean cats are all cute, furry-purry, godly and low maintenance but I find them quite indifferent emotionally. To me cats always look like they're saying "I am going to sit at your favourite spot and stare out the window for an hour. I'll wait for you to give me food then I'll disappear for like a day or two. I will then come back sit at your favourite spot again and ignore you ...

  At the beginning of this year I was excited to start a segment in my blog where I was to write about people( Musings ). I did actually start and I was able to write about two or three people( North1&2 ,  The Friend I Am ). Afterwards I was like no. This is too hard. It seemed easy to start with. I had all these things to write about. It always seems easy when an idea pops up until you come to the realization that its implementation is not as clear cut as you thought it would be. I introspected and realized for the most part, the reason I got the block is because I am a private person. I hate it when people try to dig up stuff about me. I really don't like people coming into my space unless I let them in. I don't like talking about myself. I translate that aspect about myself to other people meaning I don't like  fussing over people's tinie- tiny happenings in their lives or anything at all. I always feel like am invading their privacy and that goes against my pri...

  Dreamcatcher Haruki Murakami says in his short story The Mirror that people who see ghosts just see ghosts and never have premonitions. And those who have premonitions don't see ghosts. I am more of latter than the former I think. It's not like I have those catatonic- eyes- rolling- back- into- the- eye- socket states. Mine are more like how I feel the sun's rays on my skin and sometimes they come in the form of very vivid dejavus. Take the last interview I had 2 weeks ago for example. It was my second interview in like 4 years. My first interview was for a sales job in an insurance company. I got in but the job was too demanding. Such jobs are for particular people with certain personalities I swear. I realized soon enough that I didn't cut it. After I got a free T-shirt I disappeared I tell you. That T-shirt was the only good thing that came out of it. I was excited about this second interview. Really excited because it was in my career line. But then again I was...

Image:  Pinterest I've had an otherwise healthy-no-issue vagina well until 2019 when I had my first yeast infection. Now to start off, by virtue of being a woman you are more likely to have a yeast infection at some point in your life. For men, thanks to their anatomy, most of them don't get it. In case of an infection, the symptoms can go unnoticeable.  Women, by design, have the perfect ground for those opportunistic fungal buggers to make a factory out of our vagina. I remember how panicked I was. We all know that as adults, anything concerning reproductive organs is bound to scare the shit out of us. That is the exact feeling I had. I was like what if in addition to a yeast infection I had HIV and STI's? Weeh!!... I googled stuff and we all know how google says we should have died yesterday. Eiih!! It is never a good idea to google your symptoms. In my state of panic I texted my sister, my cousin and a friend. I was just buying time because I was hoping it would go aw...

Image:  Pinterest The other day my friend asked me three questions; 1. Where did you get the courage to shave your hair? 2. Didn't you fear that you might look funny or something? 3. And how did it feel after shaving? It's been five months since I shaved. I did it after my birthday but the decision to shave had been on my mind for more than a year. For me the journey to the big chop off was quite long. First came the idea to shave which I couldn't shake off. It was like a yearning to see the other side of me and honestly I was tired of thinking of the many hairstyles to wear. Sitting in the salon for hours has never been fun. Second came the season where I kept on asking my family and  friends how I'd look like if I'd shave. Of course most of them said NO. I remember mentioning it couple of times to my mum till she was done. She just said, "Wacha kushinda ukisema utanyoa. Enda tu unyoe." I stopped asking then but I kept on thinking of the different o...

Shadows I've been reading a book titled Dry by Augusten Burroughs . It is a memoir actually. I'm generally not so big on memoirs but I love stacking them in my phone library anyway. I like collecting them then I tell myself I'll read them when I feel like I need to or when I feel like a higher power is guiding me to read one. That happens like once a year or it never happens.

Photo credits:  Other Perspectives What is wrong with your face? Why is it all blown up with pimples? Your acnes look so big why? You know you should take more fruits and litres of water. Try so and so ointments and scrubs. Sometimes the acne is just because of dirt you know. These are some of the questions and statements that I have encountered in regard to my bouts of acne outbreaks. See, I have lived with acne for thirteen years now. Yes, thirteen long years. It is one of those things I hardly talk about because it is among the insecurities I have struggled with for so long. I mean thirteen years is close to half the number of years I have lived on this earth already. If you meet me now, you probably can’t tell that I once had raging outbreaks but if you look close enough though, you can see the scars. My skin is one to easily leave permanent scars.  I still have outbreaks but they are not as violent as they were in my pubescent years.  This piece is ...

There I was roaming the streets of FaceBook when boom, I bumped into the profile of a guy I had a crush on like seven years ago. Curious, I went to his timeline just to check what was going on with his life and I found out that he got happily married. As I scrolled through his timeline, memories of that time just flooded my mind. I had actually forgotten about this particular crush because that is what is supposed to happen with crushes right? Crushes are those people who take over your mind so intensely for a short while. They give you those fluttery butterflies and chills only for a moment and after those moments, those chills somehow expire leaving you with that kind of feeling you get after an adrenaline rush. At least that was how I felt after I stopped crushing on him. I felt alive, awakened and just brightly awesome. So this crush of mine was Hindu. Yes, Hindu. How I came across him was cliché but he always happened to be on the path I used to take home from my CPA classes aro...