I was a kid who used to ask a lot of why questions. I used to follow everything I was told with Kwa nini? I just wanted to know the why certain things were the way they were or why some decisions were made. Along the way however, I stopped asking. May be I grew up and realized many people were lying or may be I realized I was a nuisance. I really don't know but I am going with the latter. So to stop being a nuisance I read a lot and fed myself with information.
The one thing I do not remember asking is where babies come from. As far as I knew, they came from the stomach. Like literally from the stomach and then they came out through one of three openings in the pelvic region. Yes, as a young girl I knew that I had three openings but I really didn't know the purpose of the middle opening. So when I got to class five to learn about the digestive system and the length of the intestines, I got scared. In my head I thought babies travelled the length of the intestines and then they magically came out through the middle opening. It was bizarre when you think about it. I wanted to be a boy at that moment to be honest. I could not fathom the pain knowing how much stomach aches put me down.
It wasn't until I got to class 6 when I learnt about the reproductive system that I got a clear picture of where babies come from. I remember Mr. Karanja walking into that class and telling everyone that he was going to teach a serious life topic. The gigglers and the whisperers would be thrown out. That teacher introduced the topic of reproduction and sex in a really nice way. He didn't shy off. I mean he just didn't teach us to draw and name the parts(I found the male reproductive parts easier to draw...hehe). He taught everything from what monthly periods are, to what sexual attraction is and to what sex and pregnancy is. He didn't sugarcoat it. Mind you I was in an all girl's school. Other teachers used to let female teachers teach that topic but he didn't. Female teachers just passed over and they appeared quite ashamed while shaming sex in the name of guidance and counselling.
This Mr. Karanja teacher gave my class every information he could confidently. Okay may be I was still afraid that when I would start my menses they would last the entire month all my life but Mr. Karanja had demystified sex. I knew I couldn't get pregnant when a boy touched me or greeted me. I just had to ensure that no boy's erect penis gets close to my vagina. I knew it must be probably painfull after learning that penises can grow and vaginas are small. So I was really never curious about getting that close to boys even when I got older.
That lesson sort of opened my eyes to the fact that as kids, most of us were exposed to sexual activities in one way or another. Not the actual sex but things associated with sex. It was either coming across used condoms while playing or boys making balls for their football games using condoms or those thrown Trust Condom boxes which had images depicting how a condom is won to the actual sex. After being taught on the reproductive organs is when it clicked that damn. Okay. That was the 'tabia mbaya' adults were talking about in hush hush tones.
In as much as we knew the adults were engaging in sex or 'tabia mbaya' as they called it, there was this shame associated with sex. I mean what is tabia mbaya if not a shameful act. So we grew up a bunch of young adults who are endlessly fascinated with sex. There is nothing which gets the attention of people in this generation like sex. Just look at how everyone is on everybody's businesses with all the sex scandals. We consume a lot of informtion about it and we have a lot of sex but when it comes down to openly talking or discussing about sex we somehow go mute. We have funny names to refer to sex but we do not call it for what it is. If you still don't get that we are embarrased with anything sex, look at it this way; How many of you sexually active folks go to the chemist and directly ask for condoms or contraceptives? Most people send other people or they wear hoddies and shades then pass notes or expect the chemists to read their minds so that he or she can dispense "hivyo vitu vya watu wakubwa ama lile dawa la asubuhi."
We need to unlearn this shame surrounding sex. I mean it is only a natural pleasurable act. It is not demonic as we were told. Like we need to have candid conversations about sex with our peers and professionals. We need a start with that before we get the confidence to talk to some of our older generation parents who might still think having sex while young makes you a harlot. If you are comfortable with your parents or a trusted guardian then by all means delve into that topic. You might be surprised with what they have to share in regard to sex.
When we get rid of the awkwardness associated with sex then we can have those conversations of the other side of sex. The sort of ugly side or the uncomfortable side. Aside from STI's, HIV and pregnancies, there is this other side which people don't really talk about. There are the accidents and injuries which occur during sex like condoms getting stuck in the vagina, condom allergies, penile fractures, and sex can get quite painful when the penis hits the cervix especially when the guy is blessed.
Before we get to all that stuff, why don't you start taking baby steps to rid the embarrasment associated with sex. You are grown adult. Go to that chemist with no guises, a smile plastered on your face and ask for those ribbed condoms or femiplan pills or the damned P2. It will help if you ask for your preferred brand. Trust me.😉👌
We can continue from there another time.
The one thing I do not remember asking is where babies come from. As far as I knew, they came from the stomach. Like literally from the stomach and then they came out through one of three openings in the pelvic region. Yes, as a young girl I knew that I had three openings but I really didn't know the purpose of the middle opening. So when I got to class five to learn about the digestive system and the length of the intestines, I got scared. In my head I thought babies travelled the length of the intestines and then they magically came out through the middle opening. It was bizarre when you think about it. I wanted to be a boy at that moment to be honest. I could not fathom the pain knowing how much stomach aches put me down.
It wasn't until I got to class 6 when I learnt about the reproductive system that I got a clear picture of where babies come from. I remember Mr. Karanja walking into that class and telling everyone that he was going to teach a serious life topic. The gigglers and the whisperers would be thrown out. That teacher introduced the topic of reproduction and sex in a really nice way. He didn't shy off. I mean he just didn't teach us to draw and name the parts(I found the male reproductive parts easier to draw...hehe). He taught everything from what monthly periods are, to what sexual attraction is and to what sex and pregnancy is. He didn't sugarcoat it. Mind you I was in an all girl's school. Other teachers used to let female teachers teach that topic but he didn't. Female teachers just passed over and they appeared quite ashamed while shaming sex in the name of guidance and counselling.
This Mr. Karanja teacher gave my class every information he could confidently. Okay may be I was still afraid that when I would start my menses they would last the entire month all my life but Mr. Karanja had demystified sex. I knew I couldn't get pregnant when a boy touched me or greeted me. I just had to ensure that no boy's erect penis gets close to my vagina. I knew it must be probably painfull after learning that penises can grow and vaginas are small. So I was really never curious about getting that close to boys even when I got older.
That lesson sort of opened my eyes to the fact that as kids, most of us were exposed to sexual activities in one way or another. Not the actual sex but things associated with sex. It was either coming across used condoms while playing or boys making balls for their football games using condoms or those thrown Trust Condom boxes which had images depicting how a condom is won to the actual sex. After being taught on the reproductive organs is when it clicked that damn. Okay. That was the 'tabia mbaya' adults were talking about in hush hush tones.
In as much as we knew the adults were engaging in sex or 'tabia mbaya' as they called it, there was this shame associated with sex. I mean what is tabia mbaya if not a shameful act. So we grew up a bunch of young adults who are endlessly fascinated with sex. There is nothing which gets the attention of people in this generation like sex. Just look at how everyone is on everybody's businesses with all the sex scandals. We consume a lot of informtion about it and we have a lot of sex but when it comes down to openly talking or discussing about sex we somehow go mute. We have funny names to refer to sex but we do not call it for what it is. If you still don't get that we are embarrased with anything sex, look at it this way; How many of you sexually active folks go to the chemist and directly ask for condoms or contraceptives? Most people send other people or they wear hoddies and shades then pass notes or expect the chemists to read their minds so that he or she can dispense "hivyo vitu vya watu wakubwa ama lile dawa la asubuhi."
We need to unlearn this shame surrounding sex. I mean it is only a natural pleasurable act. It is not demonic as we were told. Like we need to have candid conversations about sex with our peers and professionals. We need a start with that before we get the confidence to talk to some of our older generation parents who might still think having sex while young makes you a harlot. If you are comfortable with your parents or a trusted guardian then by all means delve into that topic. You might be surprised with what they have to share in regard to sex.
When we get rid of the awkwardness associated with sex then we can have those conversations of the other side of sex. The sort of ugly side or the uncomfortable side. Aside from STI's, HIV and pregnancies, there is this other side which people don't really talk about. There are the accidents and injuries which occur during sex like condoms getting stuck in the vagina, condom allergies, penile fractures, and sex can get quite painful when the penis hits the cervix especially when the guy is blessed.
Before we get to all that stuff, why don't you start taking baby steps to rid the embarrasment associated with sex. You are grown adult. Go to that chemist with no guises, a smile plastered on your face and ask for those ribbed condoms or femiplan pills or the damned P2. It will help if you ask for your preferred brand. Trust me.😉👌
We can continue from there another time.
Have a happy week!!
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