When someone tells you 'I love you,, it is usually a moment of relief because you have been feeling the same way too. You can finally let go of the breath you have been holding for so long and the heart stops beating erratically. The other thing that can happen after those words have been said is the realization that you actually don't feel the same way. It is then upon you to either say the truth and hurt the other person or tell a lie and compromise your happiness.
I told North the truth. My truth being that I didn't feel the same way. I don't think anyone ever takes those words lightly. We never really know how to process that fact. I for sure don't and I knew hurt him real bad by telling him that. I knew so because we didn't see each other or speak to each other for a year or so. I knew he couldn't stand to be around me and probably he hated me. That was allowed I guess. Rejection has a way of kindling some hatred.
But no matter how mad he was at me, I had said my peace. I don't know how to mess with people's feelings. I take people's feelings seriously. I don't play around and therefore I couldn't lead him on. If I had chosen to be with him, it would be for the wrong reasons. It would be because I was afraid to hurt his feelings. That fear would probably grown to resentment. I would hate him for making me choose him and I would hate myself for not saying what I truly felt when I had the chance. That would not be fair to both of us. It would not be honest. What is love if there is no honesty from the start?
I may not have loved him romantically but I did love him in a platonic way. I still do. I don't get why some people find it weird that it is possible to love and not be "in love" with someone. It is very possible as crazy as it seems.
For that one year we didn't talk I was scared to be frank. I understood that he needed the space . I respected that but I was afraid I would lose a friend in the process. He still meant a lot to me. That could be such a loss but I am glad it never got that far. Sure when we met after all that fiasco the ground between us had shifted but at least we were on talking terms. That fact that we could talk mattered a lot to me.
We may not see each other as much nowadays but I love that he is still in my life. I think it sweet that he remembers I loved pineapples. I love that he is one of those few souls who knows which smiles and laughs I'm faking. He can listen to my voice, look at me and say "Wewe Ivy kuna kitu inakusumbua" and I would laugh because it would be true.
I like that I can tell him stuff and I wouldn't worry about him spilling it all out when drunk because he would have definately forgetten all about it. Sometimes I like that he forgets you know. I would love to not remember some things but I can't because my brain just isn't built that way. So when I tell him things, I feel like I have half forgotten what I want forgotten. Part of it gets buried and remains forgotten.
Sometimes too, I feel like I am a child with him. It is not in a bad way. In a way I see him as an anchor to that time when I was this bubbly kid whose laughter, smile and joy was as genuine as the sun rising in the east. Nowadays those laughters and smiles are at times tainted with dark clouds and marred with worries. I really miss that child I was and I love that I can channel that part of my life through him. Yeah, I know it sounds crazy but that is how my brain has processed the importance of North in my life.
This person is a legit wonderful human being. He is a great friend. He is kind. He loves kids. He would just have to love them even when they cry that is if he gets to have his own because as of now he doesn't like it when they cry. I know he would make a great dad nonetheless.
North wherever you are, I wish you great love, great happiness and everything good in life because you deserve it. Just one thing, please don't ever dare forget your kids birthdays😂.
May this friendship we have always point North.
May it last to infinity and beyond.
I told North the truth. My truth being that I didn't feel the same way. I don't think anyone ever takes those words lightly. We never really know how to process that fact. I for sure don't and I knew hurt him real bad by telling him that. I knew so because we didn't see each other or speak to each other for a year or so. I knew he couldn't stand to be around me and probably he hated me. That was allowed I guess. Rejection has a way of kindling some hatred.
But no matter how mad he was at me, I had said my peace. I don't know how to mess with people's feelings. I take people's feelings seriously. I don't play around and therefore I couldn't lead him on. If I had chosen to be with him, it would be for the wrong reasons. It would be because I was afraid to hurt his feelings. That fear would probably grown to resentment. I would hate him for making me choose him and I would hate myself for not saying what I truly felt when I had the chance. That would not be fair to both of us. It would not be honest. What is love if there is no honesty from the start?
I may not have loved him romantically but I did love him in a platonic way. I still do. I don't get why some people find it weird that it is possible to love and not be "in love" with someone. It is very possible as crazy as it seems.
For that one year we didn't talk I was scared to be frank. I understood that he needed the space . I respected that but I was afraid I would lose a friend in the process. He still meant a lot to me. That could be such a loss but I am glad it never got that far. Sure when we met after all that fiasco the ground between us had shifted but at least we were on talking terms. That fact that we could talk mattered a lot to me.
We may not see each other as much nowadays but I love that he is still in my life. I think it sweet that he remembers I loved pineapples. I love that he is one of those few souls who knows which smiles and laughs I'm faking. He can listen to my voice, look at me and say "Wewe Ivy kuna kitu inakusumbua" and I would laugh because it would be true.
I like that I can tell him stuff and I wouldn't worry about him spilling it all out when drunk because he would have definately forgetten all about it. Sometimes I like that he forgets you know. I would love to not remember some things but I can't because my brain just isn't built that way. So when I tell him things, I feel like I have half forgotten what I want forgotten. Part of it gets buried and remains forgotten.
Sometimes too, I feel like I am a child with him. It is not in a bad way. In a way I see him as an anchor to that time when I was this bubbly kid whose laughter, smile and joy was as genuine as the sun rising in the east. Nowadays those laughters and smiles are at times tainted with dark clouds and marred with worries. I really miss that child I was and I love that I can channel that part of my life through him. Yeah, I know it sounds crazy but that is how my brain has processed the importance of North in my life.
This person is a legit wonderful human being. He is a great friend. He is kind. He loves kids. He would just have to love them even when they cry that is if he gets to have his own because as of now he doesn't like it when they cry. I know he would make a great dad nonetheless.
North wherever you are, I wish you great love, great happiness and everything good in life because you deserve it. Just one thing, please don't ever dare forget your kids birthdays😂.
May this friendship we have always point North.
May it last to infinity and beyond.
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