Hooks and Lines.

 

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I don't know if this will become a trend at the beginning of each year because for the past two years, some of friends have tried to hook me up with a guy. I don't know about you but personally I don't like hook ups. I usually turn them down without a second thought because God knows I'm not a people person.

I just find there is an air of awkwardness about it especially during those first few steps when you are wondering who should go first. Then there are the awkward laughs, smiles and silent moments. Words tend to slip from the tongue and there is the constant worry of saying something wrong. The pressure can be daunting. For someone like me it really is.

My energy reserve for such interactions is too low so I avoid them altogether depending on my instincts and the vibe I get from the other person. It always feels like I'm trying too hard. I am mostly never relaxed. My brain goes on overdrive to profile this person so probably that smile I give would be a classic fake.  Also, most of these hook ups have these expectations which I find totally absurd because hell we literally don't know each other. Those expectations are the reason why I usually turn them down.

In 2020, the first time I accepted to be hooked up, it went badly. But some men surely. So I met this guy for lunch. I didn't even eat my whole meal breakfast as I usually do. I wanted my stomach to be ready for this lunch. We exchanged the usual pleasantries and as we ate conversation sort of went on like this;

Him : So what do you do?

Me   : Mimi ni mwanafunzi bado. Post graduate studies. You?

Him : Eehh...unafanya masters?

Me  : Yeah....mbona unauliza nikama ni shida?

Him: Ni mapema sana kufanya masters. Unakaa mdogo. Na kwani you are not planning on settling down?

Me  : Haha, kwani you are from what century? If you can do your masters do it. And no, settling down is not on my mind at the moment.

Him: Eeh sawa. Lakini ladies usually settle down then do their masters later.

Me : Not this lady. You haven't told me what you do yet.

Him: I work for a communications company.

Me : That is nice. Anyway, so tell me, my friend said you wanted to meet me. Let's talk about that.

Him: You know I have seen you around and I saw you as fit  to be someone with whom I can settle down with.

Me  : 😂😂😂😂😂

Him: Unacheka nini?

Me : Wait, so you just saw me and it clicked that you want to settle down. What happened to taking time to know someone?

Him : Kujuana si shida. Hio itafanyika ukikaa na mimi. Possibly huko Nairobi.

Me : 😂😂So in short unatafuta bibi?

Him: Yes. Imagine sisi wote kwetu ni wanaume na ni mimi pekee sina bibi.

Me : How is that a reason to rush to find someone?  Mimi kwanza siwezi kuwa bibi yako tuanzie tu na ukweli. You just don't expect me to up and go and make house with you na hatujuani. I don't work like that.

Him : Usikue hivyo. Yaani siamini ni mimi tu sina bibi. You are really beautiful na najua nitakuchunga vizuri. Nataka tu niletee ng'ombe tuanze maisha.

Me : 👀 👀

Him : Ebu fikiria tu.

Me  : 😞😞👀👀......there is nothing to think about.

Him : 😑😑......

***

Let's just say I was able to stomach all the food and not the words which came out of his mouth. This guy didn't even finish the food on his plate. A whole grown man surely???!! Someone should tell these highland nilotes that "nataka kuleta ng'ombe" is not an endearing term. Jeeez😭😭. I swore I would never do this hooking up thing again.

Fast forward to this year, another friend of mine while we were planning to have a birthday lunch date which is yet to happen suggested that I get to know his friend. The conversation with my friend went like;

Him: Wewe kwanza I need to hook you up with my friend.

Me  : 🤣🤣🤣 Are you mad?

Him: Last time I checked I wasn't.

Me : Ulikua wapi watu wakiambiwa Ivy doesn't do hook ups??

Him : 😂😂Mi sijui. Lakini si uwache mambo mob wewe.

Me : Sina mambo mob. I just don't like hook ups.

Him: Just allow me to do this.

Me : Why?

Him: I want the best for my friends of which both of you are. You can take your time to know him. Si Marathon. If you'll like each other ni sawa. Isipowork ni sawa pia. Friendship is also important. Shida na nyinyi watu wa siku hizi mnapenda short cut.

Me :🤣🤣🤣 Mimi sipendi shortcut. Na mimi si mtu wa siku hizi. Kwera sana.

Him: Sawa my fellow ancestor😂. Mimi nataka hii mwaka ikue yangu ya kujaribu kuconnect watu.

Me : Na si ujiconnect kwanza surely.

Him: 😂Hapana. Nikijiconnect siwezi pata time ya kusaidia watu kama wewe.

Me : Jiconnect.

Him: Wacha nikuconnect kwanza.

Me: Yani uko serious?

Him: Maze. He is a really good guy. And you are an equally amazing person, with a good heart and soul. I don't want you to fall into the wrong hands. Hio haikubaliki.

Me : 😅😅...eeh...huyu jamaa ni nani umemsifu hivi? He must be nice if you are vouching for him.

Him: I'd vouch for him anyday. So if you are okay allow me to give him your contact.

Me : Urrrgghh..😅😅

Him: You'll know it if you want to go on or not.

Me : Okay fine..let's try this

Him: That is all I'm asking.

Me : Disclaimer; mwambie mi sijui kuongea kikale🤣

Him:😂😂 Mtaambiana hii.

Me : Na akiniuliza ataleta ng'ombe lini I swear I will key your car and cancel you.

Him: 🤣🤣🤣🤣.....waahh. Classic you.

Me : Yeah well, Classic me doesn't kid😂

Him:🤣🤣 I know

***

2021 is still fresh so I won't disclose how this year's went but what I can admit is that I still find it awkward. It is however not bad. I can attest to that. I bet you these hook ups can be fun with no pressure. However, if you are going to hook somebody up, please suggest people who are likely to be compatible with each other. Also don't push your friend if he or she doesn't feel like it. Be kind to your friends' emotional and psychological health. Consent here matters here too especially when it comes to giving away contacts. It matters to me anyway.

I haven't yet reached that point where I totally reject such meet ups. Maybe that point will or come or maybe it won't. At the moment I am going with what I feel is comfortable. And while I mostly say no, I do trust my gut on the rarity it says yes...hehe.

What about you folks?
Are you people comfortable with someone hooking you up?
If yes, good for you. Take care while at it.
If not, why?

Also;
What good things have resulted from you accepting to be hooked up?
What bad things have resulted from you accepting to be hooked up?

Engage me by leaving a comment(s) below. If you are not comfortable with leaving a comment you can reach out to me via the email address truddies.dimension@gmail.com

I'll give a general feedback later from your answers to those questions..

Chao!!