Maybe Soon....

 

At the beginning of this year I was excited to start a segment in my blog where I was to write about people(Musings). I did actually start and I was able to write about two or three people(North1&2, The Friend I Am). Afterwards I was like no. This is too hard. It seemed easy to start with. I had all these things to write about. It always seems easy when an idea pops up until you come to the realization that its implementation is not as clear cut as you thought it would be.

I introspected and realized for the most part, the reason I got the block is because I am a private person. I hate it when people try to dig up stuff about me. I really don't like people coming into my space unless I let them in. I don't like talking about myself. I translate that aspect about myself to other people meaning I don't like  fussing over people's tinie- tiny happenings in their lives or anything at all. I always feel like am invading their privacy and that goes against my principles or values.

Maybe I am overreacting or overthinking but I am the kind to notice so many things about people. I capture small things which go unnoticed and sometimes I am like woow, Okay. That's too much. I can't do this. I freeze and I question so many things like will it be too much? Do  these people know this and that about themselves? Even if I ask them for consent will they really be okay with it? Will I make it more about me than them? So yes, I let that fear override my will to write about people no matter how close they are to me.

People's temperaments or personalities are like onion layers. By writing about them I never know which layers I will uncover. That is another thing which makes it really hard. There I am trying to write honest stuff but then again I want to impress this person by shinning light all over his or her life. That pressure is enough for anyone to just pause and take a moment to ruminate if it is all worth it.

People have this expectation that when something is written about them it is all good. While it might be so, we know we are not always good, me included. That doesn't make us bad people. It makes us imperfect human beings and that is okay. People hardly let that sink in. But I also get that not all people are comfortable about their imperfections being outed by someone else. I know I am not. And that is okay too. Maybe we need to accept ourselves more. At the moment, I need to be comfortable writing about my own imperfections. That way, I'll be in a better place to write about other people with more compassion.

I have also realized that as long we are alive, more bad than good things will be written about us one way or another. People like 'the tea'. It is probably the reason why we are obsessed with having only good things said about us. We forget that the only time when nothing negative will be written about us is when our eulogy is being compiled. Beautiful words will be penned and we'll never hear one word of it. So again, maybe we just have to be more self aware. It makes it easier to know what to take and what not to take in life.

The other reason I got stuck is for selfish reasons. Some people I really truly can't describe them enough through words. I was to write about someone but I only wrote one paragraph which I deleted very fast. It hit me that for some people, words are not enough to really bring out the kind of people they are. Some people are not meant to be shared. Who and what they are feels good enough in my memory. For some, I can't because it would reveal some feelings I have had and I'd just rather not. For others it feels good when they are a secret or a mystery. By writing down who they are, I feel like I am tampering with their purity. We all have such people. They are the kind of people we hardly talk about but we think about them a lot. They are a different kind of special.

Anyway, someday sometime, maybe soon, I'll get back to writing about people in my life. In the mean time I'm on to other things...Hehe.

Have a lovely week y'all!!